You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
