Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
