this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
