You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
