Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
