I wanna bring you to show and tell
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
