just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
