Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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