I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
