Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
