checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
