I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
