We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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