Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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