i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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