oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
