and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
