she woke up with a sticky ear
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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