i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize