Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
