who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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