everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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