guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
