I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
