are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
