A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
