Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
