I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
