Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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