shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
