Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
