I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
