yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
