Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
