omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just took my morning after pill in the library
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
