She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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