i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
