i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
