Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
