I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
