i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
