My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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