u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize