Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
