All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
