I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
