and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
