She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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