I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
