The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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