I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
