Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
