your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize