I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
