I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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