He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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