Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
