When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
