so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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