I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
