so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
