I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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